Legal quotes

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In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
    --Anonymous 

In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride in any motor vehicle.
    --Anonymous 

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.
    --Lenny Bruce 

In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
    --Anonymous 

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.
    --Melvin Belli on the occcasion of his getting kic 

Humor in the Court:
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A. No.
    --Anonymous 

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.
    --Anatole France 

Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
    --Anonymous 

In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog, whichever was handy. If you stole a dog and were caught, you were punished with twelve rabbit punches, although it was hard to find rabbits big enough or strong enough to punch you.
    --Mike Harding 

The difference between a lawyer and a rooster is that the rooster gets up in the morning and clucks defiance.
    --Anonymous 

Humor in the Court:
Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A. That is the only kind I know.
    --Anonymous 

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.
    --Michael Levin 

It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.
    --Local ordinance 

Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
    --Anonymous 

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.
    --Tom Wicker 

NEVER swerve to hit a lawyer riding a bicycle -- it might be your bicycle.
    --Anonymous 

In Pocataligo, Georgia, it is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane.
    --Anonymous 

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.
    --Tommy Manville 

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.
    --Edmond About 

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.
    --Montesquieu 

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.
    --Gore Vidal 

A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.
    --Anonymous 

Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
    --Anonymous 

In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
    --Anonymous 

There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.
    --Anonymous