Kids quotes

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Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
    --Anonymous 

Never trust a child farther than you can throw it.
    --Anonymous 

Two parent drops spent months teaching their son how to be part of the ocean. After months of training, the father drop commented to the mother drop, "We've taught our boy everything we know, he's fit to be tide."
    --Anonymous 

It is better to remain childless than to father an orphan.
    --Anonymous 

One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.
    --George Herbert 

Please, Mother! I'd rather do it myself!
    --Anonymous 

Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
    --Anonymous 

There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate.
    --Anonymous 

Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way around.
    --David Lodge 

Any father who thinks he's all important should remind himself that this country honors fathers only one day a year while pickles get a whole week.
    --Anonymous 

Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when they grow up, they won't be able to edge a car onto a freeway.
    --Anonymous 

When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults.
    --Brian Aldiss 

A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.
    --Anonymous 

Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.
    --Anonymous 

A kid'll eat the middle of an Oreo, eventually.
    --Anonymous 

Why do they call it baby-SITTING when all you do is run after them?
    --Anonymous 

Nature makes boys and girls lovely to look upon so they can be tolerated until they acquire some sense.
    --William Phelps 

Billy:Mom, you know that vase you said was handed down from
generation to generation?
Mom:Yes?
Billy:Well, this generation dropped it.
    --Anonymous 

Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality.
    --Anonymous 

It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
    --Anonymous 

Catproof is an oxymoron, childproof nearly so.
    --Anonymous 

It is no wonder that people are so horrible when they start life as children.
    --Kingsley Amis 

My mother once said to me, "Elwood," (she always called me Elwood) "Elwood, in this world you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." For years I tried smart. I recommend pleasant.
    --Elwood P. Dowde 

It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
    --Anonymous 

My boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias. Well, only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with a bulls-eye on the back.

I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."
    --Rodney Dangerfield